im sick of explaining who i am pt. 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXLh-B0sLJ4

(heres a lame video i made of myself.)

when i was young i wanted to be a princess.

and a few years later i wanted to be beautiful and breathtaking

now i want to be intelligent.

one day id like to be loved, and to be in love

but i can honestly say I've never wanted to be someone I'm not.

my mom calls be pretty

my sister calls me a disappointment

my dad calls me a blessing

my family calls me the last hope.

i don't know which one i really am,

but like i said before I'm sick of explaining who i am.

its time for me to stop hiding

Amaru is still me, and I'm sorry if i disappoint.

thank you for letting me be me.

yours truly,

stacia maxson daley.

a song for everyone

to benjamin
Stacks // Bon Iver
"your love will be, safe with me."

to connor

The Night We Met // Lord Huron

"i had all, and then most of you, some, and now none of you."

to jaxson
So Cold // Ben Cocks
 "when you told me you'd leave i felt like i couldn't breathe"

to hunter

Youth // Daughter

"to distract our hearts from ever missing them. 

but i'm forever missing him."

to my future daughter
I Want To Write You a Song // One Direction
"i want to write you a song, one as beautiful as you are sweet."

to my brain

What Do You Mean // Justin Bieber

"you’re so indecisive, what i’m saying

 tryna catch the beat, make up your heart."

to my senior year
Long Live // Taylor Swift
"i was screaming, "long live all the magic we made" 
and bring on all the pretenders, 
one day we will be remembered"

to someone

Make It To Me // Sam Smith

"so sick of this lonely air, it seems such a waste of breath

so keep your head down. and make it to me."

to myself
Hurricane // Halsey
"and I found myself reminded, to keep you far away from me.
dont belong to no city, dont belong to no man."

to bowman

Rivers and Roads // The Head And The Heart

"and I miss your face like hell"

to the time i cried at his concert
Violin // Amos Lee
"lately i, i've been heading for a breakdown"

to my first kiss

Sweater Weather // The Neighbourhood 

"and if i may just take your breath away, i don't mind if there's not much to say."

to prom night
Damn You Seventeen // Lady Antebellum
"my heart's still stuck at a stop light, with you sittin' there next to me
and the red light won't turn green. damn you seventeen."

to my mom

Mama // 2Pac

"and dear mama, you are appreciated."

to the past

Tompkins Square Park // Mumford and Sons

"no flame burns forever, and most don't even last the night."

to my broken home

Blood // The Middle East

"back to the home you made on the mountainside
with that ugly, terrible thing."

to depression

Build It Better // Aron Wright

"and you always build it better the second time around."

to my last kiss

Robbers // The 1975

"he's begging, "babe stay, stay, stay."

things my heart wished our mom had taught us

his knife stabbed just as hard as his words
and left a gaping hole in me and i haven't been the same since.
i know that he ripped his heart out when he was fourteen
and is killing himself everyday
but you need to focus on getting me to beat again.
you cant save him. so save me, save us.

you have to feel pain. you have to feel the sadness.
if you shut it down, we will be left prying open your rip cage,
tearing apart your veins, and bleeding out just to feel something again.
do not shut down. turns out feeling nothing is worse than feeling anything
at all. and after all that your left with a blood stained shirt
from this gaping hole in our chest.

it may be three am but you are allowed to cry.
you can slide down the wall crying, aching and screaming at the moon.
you're aloud to cry into your knees until your tears fill up the room.
you are not weak. we could never be weak.

don't hurt yourself, learn to love yourself.
i know you want to get rid of the sadness and him
and the heartbreak he brought.
i know you want to get rid of the numbness
and the sleepless nights and shaky hands.
but you cant set your skin on fire or tear open your veins,
your bones will be spilling out with pain if you do.
you cant do that.
because despite the pain, you are everything good.
and darkness needs the stars to find his way through the night.
don't confuse your light for his darkness.

its going to get better.
you're on the edge and you're waiting for the fall.
but there is nothing good at the bottom.
maybe just a lot of broken bones and blood. and disappointment.
i know how hard it is for you to stay here.
but i promise you i will beat for you for as long as you let me.
and one day you will wake up smiling
and you will be on the edge one day looking at the sky
not at the ground below you.
we will have grown.
and we will be alright.

sincerely - your slightly shattered heart.

build it better // aron wright

untitled

hello note.

nov/8/2015.

6:58pm.

to self(you).

from (my) experience time is never really on your side.

on september twenty second i thought maybe id be happy forever

but that ended on december sixth.

on may twentieth i told him i wasn't ready, because i wasn't over

september twenty second. 

after getting over may twentieth 

i woke up one day and didn't miss september twenty second anymore.(i told myself)

i finally know that,

you're (i'll) never going to be 100% ready. 

and its never going to be the just the right time.

and maybe you'll (i'll) always miss september twenty second.

but thats the point.

you (I) can never fully love the people you have right now. in this moment.

if you (I) keep wishing september will come around.

you'll never realize 

september left.

and it only seems to be haunting you (me) not helping you (me).

you (I) may always miss him. 

and september may be beautiful

but forget what you (I) feel.

and remember what you (I) deserve. 

because you (i am) are beautiful.

and an untitled piece of art.

unknown by all. and loved by many.

so right now you are your own november eighth 

and tomorrow the ninth.

and forever your own. 

you (i) deserve everything you've (i've) ever wanted.

and if you (i) want it.

you (i) just have to do it.

every moment is the right moment if you (i) make it.

from self(amaru).

7:41

Candles // Daughter

how i made him miss me

what an odd feeling it would to be nothing than a vague,
dull memory to you. 

to be the girl you think back on now and think of regret. there is nothing i would want less than to be a girl you speak of like that. i will not be that girl. you will not speak of me now, as a regret. 

i want to be the girl you think of when other girls ask you about your first real, raw love. but you can never muster up the courage or the words to describe me. so you never talk about it. 

because the thought of my messy blonde hair finding there way in between our lips and the thought of the laugh that comes after, makes your heart ache and skip a beat or two. 

and you wont talk about how i would sing to you in the car to
awful music on the radio, 

and even though i couldn't sing you always loved to hear me. 

or how every time i see your mother she hugs me and we would sit and talk forever about nothing and everything. you wont talk about how you loved the smell perfume on my neck or the smell of my hands when you'd kiss them. you wont want to talk about it. 

because no one can compare themselves to me. 

and you wouldn't want anyone to compare themselves to me. 

so you don't talk about it, then you don't remember the feeling on my nails on your back. 

or my thumb rubbing your hand where you left a scar for you to look at each day. 

i want you to laugh when you drive past the places we made beautiful memories of each other, 

and remember the places we danced under the moonlight on the mountain top, and 

the rain puddles we would jump in and everywhere we fell in love with each other again and again. 

and when you're there you will think to yourself how you let me slip away from you, and the ever so tight grip you had on the small of my back. 

i will not be the girl you speak of in the way of regret. 

because that this the farthest thing i remember of you. 

i accept you as a dream that haunts me every now and then and, 

as a wonderful memory and nothing less. 

you are not a regret.

i cannot be regret.

The Night We Met // Lord Huron