letters from my head

(addressing depression and mental illness.)

i still need to remind myself every morning to smile.

somedays i get sad. and i don't know why. and nothing can change that.

people want me alive.

emotions are colors, and i don't feel colors very often anymore.

depression isn't pretty.

and my brain is not romantic.

i take medication every morning.

and sometimes i forget to wake up.

i am my own worst enemy.

i wish i could go back and warn myself about this.

i do not need someone to fix me.
i do not need someone to fix me
i do not need someone to fix me
i am not broken
i am not broken
i cannot be fixed,
if i am not broken.

i am always struggling to breathe.

this is not how things used to be.

i am not the same.

i cant see the sun anymore.

and i cant see the good.

i cant help but think it was you who made me this way.

but i know better than that.

constantly torn between,

i am nothing and i am everything.

maybe ill settle for all that is in between.

my hands are always shaking.

and i don't usually have an appetite.

when i walk down the halls i have to remind myself to breathe.

i'm afraid of my own head.

i know that one day i will be okay,
and i am sorry to the ones who have been effected by me.
i am constantly trying to be better.

you can do this. - sincerely me.


(this post is not for you to feel bad for me.
it is to show you what people with mental illnesses deal with everyday.
please stop romanticizing this illness.
it is not beautiful.)

Autopilot // Kodaline