orange is still orange

they keep saying orange is the new black. 

he is standing in front me this orange jumpsuit

but i cant see any black, all i see are police sirens 

and my mascara stained cheeks.

that sunday night i lost my best friend.

i slept in his room for two weeks until 

i could pull myself together.

 i wear his favorite hoodie every night 

because it smells like him.

and i didn't know when the next time i got to hug him again.

this sunday night 7 months later,

i still dont have my best friend.

i sleep in my room now.

but i keep his room clean, and his door shut.

and no one is allowed in there.

it may seem like i'm acting like he died.

but as i look at this orange jumpsuit in front me 

the old him did die. 

i see change.

i see a man.

so i keep his door shut. 

so when the new him comes home,

he wont have to see orange, or black.

he can see a life.

and love.

and help.

my cheeks are still stained with my tears,

but i am stronger now.

i still miss the loud music at two am.

and i miss the door always being open 

if i ever needed to talk.

but for now i think ill keep his door shut. 

until i don't have to worry about 

anything being orange,

or anything being black.

song: Rivers and Roads // The Head and The Heart